KINDNESS CREATES AN 'US' SPACE

Kindness: CREATES an 'us' space,

NOT a 'you vs. me' space

---We will start with the premise that we ALL know about kindness. We have probably experienced that by being in the vicinity where ''kind'' was happening. Whether you believe that folks are kind because it is their nature or kindness is a way folks manipulate one another to get their own needs met, we all have a concept of what kindness is.

---If we are kind and act kindly things tend to be more hassle-free. It seems to work better than those times we begin by demanding and acting selfishly. When we are in a situation only concerned with getting our own needs met and have NO concern for what others may be doing...we act opposite to being kind. The more civil we act tends to be a better thing for society in general. You catch more flies with honey.

---So...this is pretty fundamental and we all seem to be aware of it. At onetime in my life we seemed to approach each other with this abandon, but we now carry a weariness and suspicion when we move amongst each other. The old joke has come to past – ''Even if you're NOT paranoid; it doesn't mean you're NOT being followed.''

---It seems we have to get back to an 'us' space. When we see life as a 'me vs. them' proposition, then that is what we will see AND that's when our heartaches begin. It is up to us (you and I) to make this an 'us' space, again. The only thing that will (turn folks back around) is NOT to add to the suspicion that folks already have. If you are kindly and true to this belief, than you will convey that. The quote by Gandhi was right on: be the change that you wish to see in the world. We have to start by being more proactively kind. Be Well.

KINDNESS IS A BRIDGE FROM A 'ME vs THEM' SPACE TO AN 'US' SPACE!

Dr. BJ MILLER - TEDtalk

---A very inspiring talk by Dr. BJ Miller. He is the head of the Zen Hospice project at Laguna Honda Hospital in San Francisco. Do yourself a favor and listen to what Dr. Miller has to say. Kudos to all!

The DOCTOR 1991 complete movie - William Hurt

---The DOCTOR played by William Hurt is a callous jet setter who lacks much in the human relationship /bedside manner department. It is discovered he must be a patient himself and encounter many of the same attitudes much like his own. A movie that should be seen by everyone in the helping profession.

A LESSON FOR DR. VICTORIA SWEET

A LESSON FOR

DR. VICTORIA SWEET

and US ALL

---I'd like to speak about something that Dr. Sweet mentions in her book, ''God's Hotel.'' On page 29 in one of the versions of the book she speaks of talking to a Miss Tod. Miss Tod had brain cancer that was still growing behind her right eye. The eye had been removed and her eyelid was sewn shut. Dr. Sweet mentions that she was hard to look at.

---Having gotten used to the physical appearance of Miss Tod, and after exchanging pleasantries...Dr. Sweet looked at Miss Tod and asked if there was anything that she could do for her?

She expected euthanasia, some sort of miracle cure, stronger pain medication or even a second opinion. With all the poise and equanimity Miss Tod asked if there was something Dr. Sweet could do about her food being so bland and a pair of eyeglasses. Dr. Sweet mentions being floored by the response. She helped her with those things. Miss Tod changed wards and lived another 18 months.

---What Dr. Sweet learned that day was priceless from my perspective. From Miss Tod's attitude she learned that ''somehow she accepted her fate, and it was the small things, the little daily things, that were important to her.'' Dr. Sweet goes on to speak of bravery at the core.

---She then mentioned something that floored me. Admitting that many young doctors are very healthy, curious, hardworking, etc. What do they know of misfortune? And, even when there is no cancer to deal with, the patient still has his needs and preferences. Reread the section about Miss Tod if you've forgotten the story. As I said it's page 29 in my book and lasts about two pages. It is a good lesson for all of us. Be Well.

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The TASK + The TLC

The TASK and The TLC

 

---We will begin by being sure our definitions are on the same page. We can easily see what is meant by TASK. TLC is the Tender Loving Care that one uses in the situation. This can be or is not being incorporated into the TASK. I hope we are clear on the three conditions I am speaking of. 1] TASK alone (without TLC), 2] TLC alone (without TASK) and 3] The ideal state - the TASK + the TLC, together.

---Next, we can hang these conditions on our Care Partners. Our Care Partners are the people who help us in the moment we are in. The Care Partner is in someway communicating some degree of TASK + TLC. He is communicating some combination of TASK + TLC to the patient.

---The TASKs alone are the easier of the two, to measure. They are very quantitative. If you want something done and someone does it, you can say that the TASK is complete.

 

---A more difficult measurement is the TLC involved. We will use words like compassion, kindness and niceness to describe these states. We can have a needy care partner getting signs to back off or needy patient not getting much compassion from his Care Partner.

---An ideal here would be one of the correct amount of compassion, kindness and/or niceness passing between the Care Partner and Patient. It is based on what makes the situation run at the optimum. It is very important to know each other’s boundaries.

---Where does one see himself in these different conditions with those he/she deals with? Is the situation working or not? By adjusting the amount of TASK + TLC on either the Care Partner or Patient…is it possible to make the relationship better? You may realize by now that these measurements can easily translate to your everyday relationships, also. Be Well.

 

Of MICE and MEN??

AMY VAN DYKEN-ROUEN (Mary + Sue)

Amy Van Dyken-Rouen

(plus false story)

 

---Many of us are aware of the Amy Van Dyke-Rouen situation. She is the Olympic Swimmer with many awards who had an accident. She can no longer walk, etc., BUT, her attitude toward life is incredible. Her enthusiasm is contagious. She vows that she will someday walk, but it is the ‘overview’ she has about the whole thing that is so impressive.

---I was thinking about why her situation and ours seems so different. I’m sure that her zest for living is NOT anything new to her. I would bet that she was very positive to most things in her life. I wondered why there were folks like Amy and folks like those in underserved population.

---I’d like to make up a story about Mary + Sue. Mary got all the breaks. She was encouraged to speak her mind and asked her opinion quite frequently, even in her younger years. Her dad would make up scenarios that she would have to think to get out of. She was supported very much.

---Sue was smart like Mary, but did NOT have the support from others that Mary had. Her dad saw life as a 'dog eat dog world' AND 'get the other guy before he gets you.' She was championed for little and often told that a child is seen but NOT heard. She will never amount to anything, so why bother? He was not thrilled with very much and had a way of cutting those down to size that did. He wasn't too thrilled with the whole Sue situation, either.

---Mary saw that life had a way of offering up challenges. Sue saw things that happen as another obstacle to achieving the obscurity the she sought. Life Sucks…WHAT NOW? Mary was more the Amy type, while Sue had the mindset of the underserved population.

---With such a negative self-image, her hospital stays were difficult. Any of her interactions were difficult. Everything that she did had an earmark of difficulty.

---We would have ALL benefited from having Sue’s approach to life…being improved. Her positive approach is a much, more needed response to life...than her Life Sucks approach which was eating away at her insides.

 

 A Steady Diet of Well-Placeds Positive Encouragement Works Wonders.