a personal coach, I use pointed and thoughtful questions to help my
clients gain more clarity about themselves and to help me better
understand my clients and their goals.
I generally ask
open-ended questions that can't be answered with a simple “yes”
or “no” so that the client is encouraged to dig deeper and
uncover answers they may not have realized previously. Often after I
ask a question, a client will say, “I've never thought about that
Once they ponder the question and their feelings about it,
it can lead to a profound insight or an “ah ha'' moment. Even
in social or casual settings, asking the right questions can
stimulate deeper and more interesting discourse. It can set the stage
for discovering common interests, developing a more authentic
connection, and fostering mutual empathy and understanding. There
is an art to asking good questions. No one wants to feel as though
they're in a job interview or being grilled for information. A big
part of asking questions is listening
the reply in order to hear beyond the words spoken.
listening requires watching body language, hearing tone of voice, and
being sensitive to what is left unspoken. It also requires asking
thoughtful follow-up questions or making reflective or supportive
statements. By learning to ask good questions and taking the time and
interest to listen mindfully, you are setting the stage for more
intimate, fulfilling, and enjoyable relationships. QUESTIONING
MY ELDERLY PARENTs
care for our parents every day, in the most intimate of ways. But how
well do we really know them? Our parents are the most familiar people
in the world but also, sometimes, the most mysterious. Who are they
as a person? What were they like when they were growing up? What
experiences most impacted their lives? What were their hopes and
dreams and regrets?
adults, so many of us don't ask enough about our parents. Yet there's
no better way to become closer to a person, even if you've known her
all your life. AgingCare.com has gathered a list of questions that
our elder care experts and editors would most like to ask their own
parents. Try them out for yourself. You might gain a new perspective
on your parents and learn something new about yourself.
wanted my student to know that adding value to someone else wasn't
something you simply talked about, thought about, or even wrote about
– it is something you do. The idea of adding value is basically
helping another person to feel valued, to live out of this sense of
being valued, and to be able to pass this sense on to someone else.
feel that it is very important to express one self. I, also, am aware
that it is very fashionable right now to say and do this. I think
many of the maladies facing our patients, whether in the hospital or
not, stem from a lack of someone encouraging many of the
resident/patients properly and at proper times. They never learned OR
were never helped to open up and feel the freedom of acceptance and
all that goes with that.
Instead...many have lived a life alone and isolated never
really experiencing life with a semblance of freedom beyond how they
measure up to others. They have never felt what it is like to be
themselves. Many have only learned to compete and compare
themselves to others, failing to make the grade time-after-time.
vision is NOT an overnight change where everything is suddenly fixed.
It is more one of starting the ball rolling to change the direction
from a negative to a positive. Many who have this need are asked the
correct questions to spur them on to jump the next hurdle or to cross
the next bridge. They realize that there is a joy to be had from
increasing ones self-knowledge and how to just slow things down to
find his/hers own pace...does wonders. With this insight it is then
realized that living a life as a player in the game far outweighs the
opposite. I don't expect failure to stop rearing it's head, but one is much better at handling it NOW. He/she is making progress in the final outcome and improving his happiness in the process. Be Well.
This is a very probing and enlightening question. Everyone has fears, and our fears reveal our vulnerabilities and pain. When someone shares this with you, you must respond with care, kindness, and trustworthiness. You must treat their fears with dignity so they feel safe connecting with you on this more intimate level.
17. What feels like love to you?
Everyone has their own “love language” — the words, behaviors, and attitudes that make them feel loved and that reveal how they express love. This is a great question to ask your spouse, romantic partner, or a potential romantic partner.
18. What is your strongest personal quality?
Most people feel uncomfortable with this question at first because they want to appear modest. But truly we all want to feel validated about our positive qualities and have others recognize this about us. People will usually follow up by asking this question of you, and it creates a positive feeling and bond between you.
19. What was your most embarrassing moment?
This is a fun question that can lead to laughter and connection. Most people enjoy telling funny stories about themselves if there isn't shame or guilt involved. Occasionally someone will reveal something painful or shameful, and this is the time to show empathy and caring.
20. If you were president, what is the first thing you would do?
You can learn a lot about someone's political beliefs, ideals, worries, and values when you ask this question. If you want to connect and invite open discussion, just be sure you don't challenge or put down the response you get if it happens to be different from what you would do.
McMillan from LUCKY DOG RANCH was
looking for a dog to train into a service animal. According to
Brandon, ''it takes that special dog who is able grasp the
seriousness of the position.'' The West Los Angeles kennel had a dog
that may fill the bill. Brandon met the dog. He had good feelings that
this may be the dog, almost immediately. He then named the Black Lab,
was medically discharged from the Navy, due to his diabetes. His wife
is a nurse who works at the VA Hospital. She was promoted to a new
position that changed her hours. She may not be able to perform the
duties that TANK was to be assigned. It seems that Dave is a very
sound sleeper and tends to sleep through those times when his numbers
drop to unsafe levels. His wife had been able to wake him to assist
in administering treatment. With the new job, she may not always be
contacted Brandon and asked if a dog could be trained so that,
through changes of smell, could be alerted and wake someone difficult
to awaken. The plan was, if at all possible, the dog would wake Dave
so he could treat himself. Dave was very afraid of not waking at all
to care for his young children who needed him. A tall order. Through
research, Brandon found that this scenario was, indeed, possible.
make a long story – short, Brandon McMillan trained TANK to do so.
A real success, so far. Be
The story of how someone landed in a particular profession opens the door to learning a lot about a person and their motivations, interests, education, and ambitions. We spend most of our days working, so the answer to this question also reveals how a person chooses to define their lives.
12. How do you spend your free time?
This is a great follow-up question to the previous question. It rounds out the picture of how this person has created his or her life and what hobbies, interests, and obligations they have created for themselves.
13. If you won the lottery, what would you do?
This is a fun question that reveals so much about a person and their attitudes about money, work, and life passion. Would they leave their job? Buy their dream home? Do something altruistic? Would they be happy about having a lot of money or want to avoid it?
14. Who do you most admire in life?
This is a great question to learn more about the kind of person someone wants to emulate. We admire people whose actions and character reflect what we want in ourselves. This will tell you a lot about the true character of a person.
15. What are your top three favorite books and why?
Sharing favorite books opens the door for interesting conversation and finding common ground between you. It gives you and the other person a chance to learn something new and potentially to understand a new perspective or interest you haven't pursued.