Nicole Emma | TEDtalk

GROWING MACHO MEN

---I was listening to a woman speaking on a TEDtalk. She said something I found interesting. The very way that we treat little boys growing up in our society is to ‘’man up, toughen up, don’t be a sissy, real men don’t cry, etc.’’ We teach them that it is NOT alright for a male to cry…to have feelings, to NOT be tough or to make mistakes. If the feeling to cry comes to him, to be a man, he must learn to suppress that feeling and sublimate the feeling into a not crying situation. She said that this statement, this dynamic, is directly responsible for the violence that we are facing in our communities.

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

---I am very interested in what she is saying. It supports much of what we have been talking about. There was a saying that she used that I never heard before. She heard a former NFL player use this expression. ‘'Boys who can't cry, shoot bullets.’’

---We certainly can see that one can’t get his needs met if he keeps them so hidden.  Man needs to get his music out while it is still music.

1.     People need connection with one another.

2.     We are all designed to find our tribe.

3.     We all need one person who sees who we are…and loves us UNCONDITIONALLY.

4.     Some men believe their manhood or value is in their muscles, money or mojo.

5.    Some men wear a mask (not themselves) to protect themselves from shaming or criticism usually from other men.

---Please listen to video yourself BELOW. She makes a lot of sense.

NICOLE EMMA

WHAT IS MEANT!

''We ALL Love One Another; We're Just Working Out The Details''

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

---What do I mean when I say this? As a matter of fact I tell folks that this is my personal philosophy. It seems that it isn't as obvious to others as I thought.

---We must break it down a bit, first. We ALL love one another. That in itself seems ludicrous. I can give a list of people that I don't love...or CAN I? Let's go into this slowly. People usually give me a quick list of different world leaders who were the cause of much suffering, death + destruction. How can I possibly love them. They can be outraged at me for even suggesting that.

---I have to break it down a bit further. LOVE is treated as a FACT; NOT a FEELING! LOVE exists whether we feel it or not. Whether anyone feels it or not. LOVE is always present...potentially. To test this, be truly loving and kind in a situation and watch people respond to that. Or, when there is a cut or broken bone and it's allowed to heal after being set properly, it will. Doesn't the way we feel about how folks generally BEHAVE govern how we feel about the people themselves. We'd feel differently if instead of doing things that promote suffering, death and destruction...people fed all the folks that are hungry AND helped people get things they need while footing the bill in most cases. If folks behaved in a way that spread kindness and happiness, we would think very differently about things.  Well, that really is potentially there all-the-time! We just have to act on it.

---Unfortunately, most people BEHAVE in a way that reflects their ATTITUDE and hence, their VALUES - which then tend toward being self-oriented and greedy. People who act this way tend to be fearful of NOT having enough for themselves - hence are self-oriented and greedy. If they were able to see beyond their fears, they would see that having values of being kind to one another and brother + sister helping each other, because we are all in this together...gets more done and hence provides enough for all. Those crying out, ''what about me?'' haven't learned to be team players...yet! BUT, THEY CAN!

---A big problem that I see is this; folks for the most part are waiting to be loved and are not loving. They may think that they are, but self-concern and greed with saving face, runs the show. They are, usually, busy TRYING to get what they think their needs + preferences are, met. But, their method really is, usually self-concern and greed. This is ALL based on FEAR!

PEOPLE TEND TO USE A BACKWARDS APPROACH (THAT DOESN'T WORK):

---Because of this backwards approach (if you will,) folks end up waiting to be loved instead of being loving. And, when they do something loving or kind, they have some type of self-concern tied to it. I see this as being the real problem...but, that is, then, hence its solution.

---We must be TRULY loving for this process to work. If we wait around to be loved, FIRST and are NOT being loving – we then have the process backwards. If we wait to feel love first, we just MAY wait forever (a long, long time.) You will wait as long as it takes for you to learn that it works the other way. AND...THAT IS WHAT MOST OF US ARE DOING!

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

---''To FEEL LOVE, YOU MUST BE LOVING.'' The other way doesn't work. It is like waiting to be perfect before you act. It is one thing to get your act together, but waiting to be perfect FIRST will not work. Too many semantics and interpretations to concern yourself with before you can declare that that has indeed happened AND you are now perfect. (Ask your mother, wife or sister to weigh-in on the subject...if you are getting too full of yourself.) Husbands, in general, if smart...won't answer that or just will not truthfully know what you're talking about.

---The second half of that statement - working out the details...comes into play in the fact that many, many have still got it BACKWARDs and COMPLAIN  so much and so loudly and wonder why it doesn't work? Some folks have a lot invested in its being the other (wrong) way AND they belligerently insist that it does indeed work the other (wrong) way...even when they may NOT realize what it is that they are really doing. 

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

---Folks go to war over the fact that they have this backwards...instead of simply realizing that they must love first. Many relationships go sour, because of faulty logic. A lot of time is spent on trying to see eye-to-eye before love is even considered. Then the next thing you know it becomes an eye-for-an-eye! That, once again is CONDITIONAL LOVE and NOT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Instead of being loving...you love only those that see things as you do. The DETAILS are KILLING US in this way.

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

Love has to be treated as a FACT...NOT JUST A FEELING. Act accordingly. 

Be Well.

The saying now changes to:
''We ALL Love One Another; we are simply + gently working out the details''

PSYCHOLOGY 101 - HUMAN NEEDs

PSYCHOLOGY - HUMAN NEEDs

1.     HUMAN NEEDs (MASLOW HIERARCHY of NEEDs) – Being Appreciated, Being Accepted, Being Understood, Being Loved, Being Valued, Being Treated Kindly, Being Supported, Being Cared For, etc. These are the very needs we ALL have...including YOU + ME.

2.     WEST SIDE STORY (Officer Krupke) – Deprived and Depraved. If one is DEPRIVED of his needs being met…he acts DEPRAVED (negative in some way.)

3.     The more deprived that one is in getting his/her HUMAN NEEDs met, the more depraved (negative) he/she will act.

4.     The less deprived that one is in getting his/her HUMAN NEEDs met, the less depraved (negative) he/she will act.

5.     All needs that someone may have can be traced back (root-cause) to his need for love and understanding, etc. ‘’Pay ATTENTION to me. Could be his/her need to be loved and accepted.’’

MEET PEOPLE'S NEEDs