COMPASSIONATE LISTENING MODEL

Compassionate Listening Model

Compassionate Listening helps us to awaken to what the mystics from all of the great faiths have known for centuries: that cultivating the wisdom of the heart is the key to real peace from the inside out. The intention of Compassionate Listening is to access our deepest wisdom to transform separation and conflict into an opportunity for connection, healing and peace.

Compassionate Listening is

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• A personal practice – to cultivate inner strength, self awareness, self regulation and wisdom
• A skill set – to enhance interpersonal relations and navigate challenging conversation
• A process – to bring individuals or groups together to bridge their differences and transform conflict
• A healing gift – to offer a compassionate listening session to a person who feels marginalized or in pain

Compassionate Listening was conceived by Gene Knudsen Hoffman (1919 - 2010), international peacemaker, founder of the US/USSR Reconciliation program for the Fellowship of Reconciliation, and student of Vietnamese Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh. The concepts were further developed by Leah Green, Carol Hwoschinsky, and a group of dedicated individuals who are now facilitators of the work.

As Gene originally conceived it, Compassionate Listening requires non-judgmental listening and deepening, non-adversarial questions. Listeners seek the truth of the person speaking, seeing through ‘masks of hostility and fear to the sacredness of the individual.’ Listeners accept what others say as their perceptions, and validate the right to their own perceptions. In this way, listeners seek to humanize the ‘other’. Compassionate Listening can cut through barriers of defense and mistrust, enabling both those listened to and those listening to hear themselves in new light, to change their opinions, and to make more informed decisions. Through this process, fear can be reduced, and participants will be better equipped to discern how to proceed with effective action. 

We honor Gene as the originator of Compassionate Listening and invite you to learn more about her in

“Compassionate Listening and other writings by Gene Knudsen Hoffman,” by Anthony Manousos.

Click here to learn more about this beautiful book and purchase it online.

You can also download her free  Compassionate Listening Sourcebook with a chapter by Leah Green. 

Some of Gene’s essays on Compassionate Listening are on the web at the New Conversations Initiative.

COMPASSIONATE LISTENING: WOMEN BEHIND BARs!

Compassionate Listening Behind Bars

By Andrea Cohen, Senior CL Facilitator

---Rolling up to the barbed wire fence of the Washington Corrections Facility for Women, I prepare myself for teaching some of the institution’s residents the practices of Compassionate Listening. It’s part of a program designed to help them “turn around” conflict in their lives.

 ---With all of my jewelry, money and identifying information left behind, other than the driver’s license which I’m required to give the guard for safe-keeping, I’m ready to meet the women who have voluntarily signed up for the workshop. After going through multiple levels of security and passing a number of residents clothed in loose gray sweats along the way, my colleagues and I finally arrive at the education building where approximately fifteen women are waiting for us. I know nothing about the people present – what they’re in for, how long they’ve been there, who is a wife or a mother, and whether there are some who might be there for the rest of their lives. What I see before me is a very diverse group of women curious about what we have to offer and perhaps wondering why we’ve traveled so far to offer it.

 ---After introductions, we do a brief centering and exploration of what it means to be fully present with our hearts – from that special place of beauty that lives within each of us at the core of our being. And then we do listening exercises. The women experience what it’s like to be listened to without judgment, interruption or fixing. They practice reflecting back the facts, feelings and values contained in each other’s stories. They laugh, they cry and they’re grateful. They’d like us to return, and we do. A few sessions later, I gift them with a copy of Practicing the Art of Compassionate Listening, which they excitedly read portions of to each other - clearly “getting” the power of our work and wanting more.

 ---This is just the beginning of my story about teaching Compassionate Listening to women behind bars. A number of my fellow CL colleagues on both coasts have been doing similar work with incarcerated men and women in their communities. Why do we keep going back? Because we have something important to share – skills and practices that can make a difference in the residents’ relationships with themselves, their families and the people they interact with “on the inside.” By what stroke of fortune, circumstances of birth and personal choices made am I not the one living behind barbed wire? What are these women there to teach me – about courage, patience and commitment to growth?

---Without regard to how we’ve each arrived at this moment, now is the time when, perhaps together, we can help heal our world...from the inside out. A lofty goal that truly begins one heart at a time.

The ART of COMMUNICATING - Full Audiobook

FULL AUDIOBOOK

HEARING WITH COMPASSION!

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

Thich Nhat Hanh on Compassionate Listening | SuperSoul Sunday | Oprah Wi...

The Power of Deliberate LIstening | Ronnie Polaneczky | TEDxPhiladelphia

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CLICK THOUGHTOON!

This Is The Kind of Listening That I Mean When I Say Be Heard + Be Taken Seriously! And...Don't Judge! I Think That The Hospital As Well As ALL Our Personal Relationships Could Be Positively Affected If We Listened With Compassionate Listening. 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

WILL THE ''REAL'' F-word...PLEASE, STAND-UP!

Will The ''REAL''

F-word...Please, Stand Up.

CLICK TO ENLARGE

CHARTER FOR COMPASSION

---From the standpoint of behaviors, it makes sense that I would choose FRUSTRATION as my F-word of choice. I think I have made a case for it, and since we ALL seem to be flirting with being frustrated, it seems a viable choice.

---We, also, have FASCISM, to be part of the mix. If we take it broadly, we can define it as imposing our will on others. My way or the highway, comes to mind. The dictator, itself, could be the idea that things have to be done in a certain way...with some kind of violent repercussion, for those who don't cut it.

---The Catholic religion was taught that way to me...with Hell always hanging in the balance. I could ''earn,'' an eternity in Hell, for the slightest infraction. It was ALL so unreasonable. Fascism fits in here, somewhere. The misunderstanding of Love, has made God, Jesus and the Pope out to be dictators...with NO room for development. [Some of the popes, actually, acted the part, and greatly promoted the idea that God and Jesus were dictators, first. They never actually said that God, etc., were dictators, they just portrayed, taught and, I would say, believed this, themselves.] That is what happens to those who don't really understand LOVE. Everything tends to be FEAR BASED. That is whe,n ALL the rules + policies...come out.

---I, myself, do not see life this way. I had to break my ties with the church to find out who I am...and to see what Jesus, et. al., were talking about, throughout the ages. I found that if one truly finds what LOVE is, himself, then he/she finds that many other interpretations are NOT necessary. BE LOVING, KIND + COMPASSIONATE. It is still the finest thing around.

---The truth, then, is NOT so complicated. In this way, we can see that the way Catholicism was taught to me, makes it to be another Fascism...and makes Fascism another F-word, I have had to deal with. The dictatorship of thought that I had to deal with, has created much of my FRUSTRATION. Eliminating one has eliminated the other. Take Care.

The Discipline of Finishing: Conor Neill at TEDxUniversidaddeNavarra

WHO WOULD YOU BET ON?

Stop Managing, Start Leading | Hamza Khan | TEDxRyersonU

VERY INTERESTING!

LISTs of WORDs THAT DESCRIBE BEHAVIORs

LISTs of WORDs THAT DESCRIBE BEHAVIORs! CLICK LEFT

---We HAVE Lists of WORDs and EXPRESSIONs THAT BEST DESCRIBE The ATTITUDEs That Support The BEHAVIORs THAT WE ALL HAVE.

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Beautiful minds are free from fear: Robert Grant at TEDxOrangeCoast

I Enjoyed This Talk Very Much!

The new political story that could change everything | George Monbiot

Try Your Own Hand At A Story. Be Playful + Creative. Write One For Your Eyes Only...If Need Be The Case!

A PATIENT's TENETs

A Patient's Tenets

---1. The idea that to get anything that you really need, one has to begin the process by giving it. This is essentially the Golden Rule. Whatever behavior that you want shown to you usually begins with you showing that behavior to others. Whether it be hate, love, respect, disrespect, etc., if you want others to treat you kindly then it behooves you to treat others kindly. (Biggest mistake is waiting to be treated the way you want...first.)

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---2. Another thing that the patient needs to enjoy living is to be heard and to be taken seriously. Folks must learn how to listen to the resident/patient. They must learn to hear what the resident/patient says. Then he must take him/her seriously. Both are very important and makes a big difference to those who experience this. When this happens for the patient, and he is assured that this has taken place, it frees him to NOT worry about being heard or taken seriously. He will begin to experience more quality in his/her life. His level of enjoyment will skyrocket. Everything will look up. He/she will know himself in a much deeper way, through this process.

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---3. Learning that through the power of YET…one can learn and grow beyond what he/she may have originally thought. One may go from a FIXED MINDSET to a GROWTH MINDSET more easily when one is convinced it may happen. With the knowing of the power of YET, things that aren’t known YET, can now be learned. It is NOW known, through scientific study, that all folks can improve and grow. Understanding effort is the key!

CLICK THOUGHTOONs!

This is a DRAFT and may be added to at anytime... 

7 BENEFITs of HELPING OTHERs

7 Scientific Benefits of Helping Others

• HELPING OTHERS CAN HELP YOU LIVE LONGER. Want to extend your lifespan? ...
• ALTRUISM IS CONTAGIOUS. ...
• HELPING OTHERS MAKES US HAPPY. ...
• HELPING OTHERS MAY HELP WITH CHRONIC PAIN. ...
• HELPING OTHERS LOWERS BLOOD PRESSURE. ...
• HELPING OTHERS PROMOTES POSITIVE BEHAVIORS IN TEENS. ...
• HELPING OTHERS GIVES US A SENSE OF PURPOSE AND SATISFACTION

CLICK - https://mentalfloss.com/article/71964/7-scientific-benefits-helping-others

Success is helping others: Michael Davies at TEDxRockyViewSchoolsED

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

What Is A Growth Mindset and How To Develop It

REMEMBER the MANY VIDEO'S of CAROL DWECK

Undercover Boss Canada S04E09 Sunnybrook Hospital

THE UNDERCOVER BOSS SERIES HAS MANY TIPs ON RESTRUCTURING A HOSPITAL

Millennials in Medicine: Doctors of the Future | Daniel Wozniczka | TEDx...

MILLENNIALs IN MEDICINE. The FUTURE of HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALs. THOSE WHO STILL WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD!.

Is Meditation The New Brain Food? | Drs. Gary Small & Daniel Amen on Lar...

1 Minute 6 Seconds

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

MISS COLORADO - ''JUST A NURSE''

''JUST A NURSE!''

SARAH - EDEN ALTERNATIVE

SARAH's 48 SECOND STORY HITs THE NAIL ON THE   HEAD!

SYMBIOTIC: AN AUTHENTIC LOOK

SYMBIOTIC:

AN AUTHENTIC LOOK

---We have been asked to make the concept of symbiotic very simple as it applies to the hospital setting in an authentic way.

---To quickly explain to those who may NOT know, symbiotic (in our hospital setting) – is where the staff depends on the resident as much as the resident depends on the staff. To go a step further...the patient needs the staff to help him to lead as normal a life as possible. The opposite is true for the staff. His job depends on the patient. He is paid for his services, in both cash and in the satisfaction that he has helped a fellow human being which carries with it its own rewards.

---The goal of the Nursing Home/Hospital is for the patient to reach the highest and truest of himself. The patient should thrive + prosper according to his abilities, needs and preferences. The patient should be at the top of his game as much as is possible in happiness and contentedness. The job of the staff is to make that happen. 

---A happy and contented Nursing Home/Hospital will only occur if ALL the players in the game are happy and contented. I'm sure that you can figure this out. Help each other out if need be the case. Don’t compete and compare with each other. Leave your problems at the door. If you have any gripes put them in the suggestion box - anonymous as you like. If you have something fixed that bugs you, others may be positively affected. Let’s make this a better place to be for ALL the staff and the residents. Truly, we are ALL in this together! Be Well.

PROFESSIONAL ETIQUETTE AMONG THE CERTIFIED NURSING AIDE

Professional Etiquette fr Certified Nursing Aides - click!

To anyone who is the face of feeling better as we patients are recovering, we appreciate what you do and who you are. Believe it or not, but the relationship that we have with you can make or break our experience at the facility, itself. The level of kindness that we feel in your charge impacts the very fabric of our stay in that place. When the relationship is good then that's great! When the relationship is NOT so good, it can go so far as to extend our recovery time.

We APPRECIATE YOU!

CHARTER FOR COMPASSION!

CHARTER FOR COMPASSION

PATIENTs REFLECT STAFF!

CLICK TO ENLARGE

How to escape education's death valley | Sir Ken Robinson

Here is a TEDtalk I posted six years ago. I hope that you enjoy the revisit as much as I did.

ARE ALPHA MALEs MORE ATTRACTIVE?

ARE ALPHA MALEs MORE ATTRACTIVE? - (CLICK)

This is NOT a 'YES or NO' QUESTION!

---I was very intrigued by statements made by our friend Nicole Emma in her TEDtalk about males. It is posted below if one wants to listen to it again.

Nicole Emma | TEDtalk

GROWING MACHO MEN

---I was listening to a woman speaking on a TEDtalk. She said something I found interesting. The very way that we treat little boys growing up in our society is to ‘’man up, toughen up, don’t be a sissy, real men don’t cry, etc.’’ We teach them that it is NOT alright for a male to cry…to have feelings, to NOT be tough or to make mistakes. If the feeling to cry comes to him, to be a man, he must learn to suppress that feeling and sublimate the feeling into a not crying situation. She said that this statement, this dynamic, is directly responsible for the violence that we are facing in our communities.

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

---I am very interested in what she is saying. It supports much of what we have been talking about. There was a saying that she used that I never heard before. She heard a former NFL player use this expression. ‘'Boys who can't cry, shoot bullets.’’

---We certainly can see that one can’t get his needs met if he keeps them so hidden.  Man needs to get his music out while it is still music.

1.     People need connection with one another.

2.     We are all designed to find our tribe.

3.     We all need one person who sees who we are…and loves us UNCONDITIONALLY.

4.     Some men believe their manhood or value is in their muscles, money or mojo.

5.    Some men wear a mask (not themselves) to protect themselves from shaming or criticism usually from other men.

---Please listen to video yourself BELOW. She makes a lot of sense.

NICOLE EMMA

WHAT IS MEANT!

''We ALL Love One Another; We're Just Working Out The Details''

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

---What do I mean when I say this? As a matter of fact I tell folks that this is my personal philosophy. It seems that it isn't as obvious to others as I thought.

---We must break it down a bit, first. We ALL love one another. That in itself seems ludicrous. I can give a list of people that I don't love...or CAN I? Let's go into this slowly. People usually give me a quick list of different world leaders who were the cause of much suffering, death + destruction. How can I possibly love them. They can be outraged at me for even suggesting that.

---I have to break it down a bit further. LOVE is treated as a FACT; NOT a FEELING! LOVE exists whether we feel it or not. Whether anyone feels it or not. LOVE is always present...potentially. To test this, be truly loving and kind in a situation and watch people respond to that. Or, when there is a cut or broken bone and it's allowed to heal after being set properly, it will. Doesn't the way we feel about how folks generally BEHAVE govern how we feel about the people themselves. We'd feel differently if instead of doing things that promote suffering, death and destruction...people fed all the folks that are hungry AND helped people get things they need while footing the bill in most cases. If folks behaved in a way that spread kindness and happiness, we would think very differently about things.  Well, that really is potentially there all-the-time! We just have to act on it.

---Unfortunately, most people BEHAVE in a way that reflects their ATTITUDE and hence, their VALUES - which then tend toward being self-oriented and greedy. People who act this way tend to be fearful of NOT having enough for themselves - hence are self-oriented and greedy. If they were able to see beyond their fears, they would see that having values of being kind to one another and brother + sister helping each other, because we are all in this together...gets more done and hence provides enough for all. Those crying out, ''what about me?'' haven't learned to be team players...yet! BUT, THEY CAN!

---A big problem that I see is this; folks for the most part are waiting to be loved and are not loving. They may think that they are, but self-concern and greed with saving face, runs the show. They are, usually, busy TRYING to get what they think their needs + preferences are, met. But, their method really is, usually self-concern and greed. This is ALL based on FEAR!

PEOPLE TEND TO USE A BACKWARDS APPROACH (THAT DOESN'T WORK):

---Because of this backwards approach (if you will,) folks end up waiting to be loved instead of being loving. And, when they do something loving or kind, they have some type of self-concern tied to it. I see this as being the real problem...but, that is, then, hence its solution.

---We must be TRULY loving for this process to work. If we wait around to be loved, FIRST and are NOT being loving – we then have the process backwards. If we wait to feel love first, we just MAY wait forever (a long, long time.) You will wait as long as it takes for you to learn that it works the other way. AND...THAT IS WHAT MOST OF US ARE DOING!

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

---''To FEEL LOVE, YOU MUST BE LOVING.'' The other way doesn't work. It is like waiting to be perfect before you act. It is one thing to get your act together, but waiting to be perfect FIRST will not work. Too many semantics and interpretations to concern yourself with before you can declare that that has indeed happened AND you are now perfect. (Ask your mother, wife or sister to weigh-in on the subject...if you are getting too full of yourself.) Husbands, in general, if smart...won't answer that or just will not truthfully know what you're talking about.

---The second half of that statement - working out the details...comes into play in the fact that many, many have still got it BACKWARDs and COMPLAIN  so much and so loudly and wonder why it doesn't work? Some folks have a lot invested in its being the other (wrong) way AND they belligerently insist that it does indeed work the other (wrong) way...even when they may NOT realize what it is that they are really doing. 

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

---Folks go to war over the fact that they have this backwards...instead of simply realizing that they must love first. Many relationships go sour, because of faulty logic. A lot of time is spent on trying to see eye-to-eye before love is even considered. Then the next thing you know it becomes an eye-for-an-eye! That, once again is CONDITIONAL LOVE and NOT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Instead of being loving...you love only those that see things as you do. The DETAILS are KILLING US in this way.

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

Love has to be treated as a FACT...NOT JUST A FEELING. Act accordingly. 

Be Well.

The saying now changes to:
''We ALL Love One Another; we are simply + gently working out the details''